My momentary shock upon finding out that my room was a camper trailer in the backyard, quickly turned into relief that I would be occupying a completely different living space than the stains and the cocaine.
family drama
healthy
To describe it as period cramps times a billion doesn’t even begin to describe it. It felt like I was being gutted with a rusty meat hook.
comedy
When you're supposedly funny, people are constantly saying you should do stand-up. I shouldn't.
porn
It almost seemed like my dad was doing the porn equivalent of making a kid smoke a ton of cigarettes as a punishment for catching them smoke, desensitizing me to the thrill of watching porn.
parenthood
I didn't want to know what it felt like to say, "I did the best I could." Because her best sucked, and I wasn't in the mood to soften my position on that.
cervix
The joy and the wonder of having new life growing inside of you, the fierce bond you develop with your fetus and the supposedly hot fetish sex. I pretty much hated every moment of it.
family drama
We were watching back-to-back episodes of "The Brady Bunch" when my dad kicked the door open. He was holding a gun, bloodshot eyes a-blazing.
bad childhoods
The bed was pushed all the way to one side, with my parents on it, my dad on top of my mom, his hands around her throat. She was almost purple and looked like she was going to burst.
child birth
In mere seconds, shit got chaotic, people seemed slightly panicked, and before I knew it, the kitchen was filled with excited party guests surrounding me as I gushed womb juices on a borrowed towel. I have to admit it was nice to be the center of attention.
growing up
There was no pretending that my wildly promiscuous young mother was wailing because she was suffering through another bout of lower back pain. I knew.
dads
I never thought I’d say this but, if the rumors are true, I feel ya, Khloe K. I feel ya.
