Nothing forms a stronger bond than sharing a mutually enjoyable meal, bonus points if there is an element of guilt involved.
xofood
science
I’m not PhD material. Not because I’m not smart enough, but because I am simply unwilling to toil away for five years to eventually maybe get a job that I probably won’t enjoy a whole heck of a lot.
diy
Maybe you think condiments pedestrian? THAT’S A MISTAKE. I am going to show you how to make CURRY KETCHUP and a SWEET AND SPICY MUSTARD so everyone get excited!
xofood
Because my ego is disproportionate to my worth, I felt like I couldn't disappoint “my public.” I Googled “edible bugs” and ordered some from Thailand in a manner that was most cavalier.
how not to be a dick
Being nice is my preferred method of operating, but sometimes you have to push and shove to get anything done. Sometimes you have to be a little rude.
sleeping
Even though I love sleeping, it’s obvious that I’m doing it wrong. Normal people don’t feel like puking every morning, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one I know who actually cries when presented with a wake up time that is before sunrise.
salt
I dip popcorn in soy sauce. My favorite foods are olives, pickles and cured meats. Without sodium chloride, I would start killing everyone.
I Tried To Go Without Salt For A Week And You Can Have My Salt When You Pry It From My Bloated Hands
xofood
Just because you watch a lot of Anthony Bourdain doesn't mean you can start throwing lions and tigers and bears into tacos and expect everyone to praise you for your ability to “think outside the farm.”
music
There are already enough pleasurable things we feel guilty about, let’s not add music, books, and movies to the list.
xofood
IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: If your sensibilities were at all offended by Pizza Hut’s Crazy Cheese Crust Taste Explosion, turn back now. This is way more upsetting than that.
xofood
I found the recipe on Pinterest, it contained beets, and it contained kombucha. ALL THE SIGNS WERE THERE THAT THIS WAS NOT GOING TO WORK OUT.
cheese
If you really want to impress the pants off someone, make a staple from scratch.
coconut oil
Is the coconut a wonderful, delicious food delivered to us by god himself? Yes. Can coconut oil cure your genital herpes? Probably not.
xofood
America is playing a weird game of culinary chicken with itself, creating junk/comfort food hybrids like mac and cheese filled meatloaf.
music
I would say 90% of the music I listen to is “depressing” or at least “vaguely upsetting” and almost always in minor keys.
pores
Aestheticians enjoy working on me. One less than tactful lady could hardly contain her joy when she exclaimed “Your pores are HUGE. And there’s SO MUCH IN THEM.”
chemicals
“Chemical free” is a term made up by some marketing person to scare you.
food
There are certain consumables that I must put in my body EVERY time I am at Disneyworld. One of these is Dole Pineapple Whip, aka The Edible Smile of God.
pinterest
I was starting to worry that you all thought I was a bitter Pinterest-hating crone who sat in my cave making pins fail on purpose so I could write about them.
gross food
I was told I could get an Apple Pie McFlurry by the internet. I was told I could not get an Apple McFlurry by Diane, my neighborhood McDonald’s cashier.
pinterest
Most of you know how I feel about Pinterest. I don’t know how many of you follow my “I don’t believe you board,” but there have been some doozies.
alcohol
For those of you following along at home, it should be pretty apparent by now that I will eat/drink anything for attention and/or love.
shampoo
When my beautiful, all-natural-without-being-granola aunt (who is only seven years my senior) suggested that my hair could be cleansed with baking soda (sodium bicarbonate) and conditioned with vinegar (acetic acid), I was super skeptical.
pets
I’ve had people tell me that eating raw chicken makes their dog really happy, but you know what else makes them really happy? Eating used sanitary pads.
