A few weeks ago, I receive an e-mail with this subject line: "Hi From Good Morning America/ We'd Love to Talk with you Right Away!"
nervous breakdown
migraines
I read once migraines are a rare breed of neurological malady in that they can cause a sort of cognitive and physical meltdown, a total collapse and haywiring of the senses, without causing permanent disability.
issues
Makeup or no makeup, negligence doesn't seem to do the trick for me either.
issues
Outside, all stores are shut and dead asleep. The windows of every tall building are flat black. The air is swirling with fierce punch and magic force. We find neighbors clustered in the middle of 1st Avenue, a gaggle in Burberry rain gear, pullover hockey windbreakers and UGGS. Near and above them is a dangling WALK sign, creaking like a horror story broken door.
relationships
The other night I get this voicemail from my dad out of the blue. He wasn’t pleased with me.
healthy
I look it up myself to investigate potential causes, stress, anorexia, “structural problems” like tumors or blockage, chemical imbalances. Stress maybe, but most other things I’ve tested out just fine.
issues
I’ve watched babies on date night, arranged funeral flowers, filled anti-psychotic prescriptions for elementary schoolboys, worked as a nanny for the kids of a famous artist, made ice cream cones, sandwiches, coffee.
healthy
Rachel Maddow says she can feel it when a depression is coming in, like the prelude to a migraine. She has to make allowances for it, rework her schedule, make sure she isn’t interviewing authors because she can't read a book a day like normal.
relationships
At times I question if my disinterest in dating is odd, feel the expectation that I am supposed to be actively looking for coupledom or the perfect Bertolucci liaison.
issues
To be honest, I think, I believe in all that magic, just as much as I believe in mugs and senators and every other little thing that makes the world go round.
healthy
I've never actually been attacked, only had close calls, felt really afraid, uncomfortable. Still, each time I run, frightening fantasies tend to run along with me.
friendship
Lately, I have trouble hanging out.
addiction
Sometimes I go a day with just a can or a little coffee, a buck or two, but at least once my beverage tally reached $16, about 10.6 % of my weekly take home right now
addiction
Sober, I learn, bars don't look so hot, they aren't that fun. At 9 o’clock, we arrive together talking in the same tongue, and by 9:45, we’re in different orbits.
bedhead
Had I known, the morning I left home at 17, it would be the last time I'd have a space like that for some time, I wonder if I would have gotten up.
ghosts
I begin to imagine Elliot as that waif who played Keats in "Bright Star" and wonder what it’s like to eff a ghost. Probably equal parts soft and transcendental.
addiction
I'd been so far from feeling empowered to treat myself with kindness, that I needed two 26-year-old cops to tell me "Get off the road, fool."
healthy
I heeded the doctor's advice and gave up gluten, although my stomach felt little relief at the time. The notable side effect from my gluten freedom? I lost 15 pounds in a little over a month.
