People ask me how I’m doing, and when I say, “I’m fine,” they nod, assuming I’m holding something back for their benefit. But I’m not. I am fine. I am good. I am all right.
moms
cats
He doesn’t adore me, unconditionally or otherwise, but that hasn’t stopped me from developing feelings for him. Feelings I’ve never felt for a cat before.
bullies
Every day people go in to work at jobs they can’t afford to quit with co-workers who make a genuine effort to bully and humiliate them. Too often, fighting back isn’t an option, and even if it is, it’s not guaranteed to make a difference.
issues
Neither of my parents would have ever called themselves feminists. But given the choice between action and words, action is the one to pick.
family drama
I didn’t know it yet, but by the time I sent that tweet, my mom had already been dead for nine minutes.
issues
During the rare times in my life when I have done something brave, potentially dangerous or just plain awesome, I’ve never looked down at them and offered up a grateful “Thanks guys!”
being single
If everyone on the planet were as innately fuckable as Jordan Catalano, the over-population crisis caused by all the 24/7 boning would have robbed the planet of its resources centuries ago.
money
People would break down in front of me and tearfully explain all the reasons why a good person would risk their job and willfully ignore company policy (and maybe even break the law) in order to help them out just this one time.
guys crying
No bullshit people, I was crying harder than I even thought I knew how.
fanbases
Like many folks out there who avoid sites like 4chan as if they’re a Big Momma & Medea team up movie specifically designed by evil Hollywood scientists to give you syphilis, I first heard reports of a growing cult of adult “My Little Pony” enthusiasts about a year ago.
relationships
When I was six, I told my mom that I wanted to decorate my room with a superhero poster. But when the one she came home with was Wonder Woman, I wept and begged her to take it back.
advertising
In my experience, the only thing boobs make you want to buy are more boobs.
friend zone
Nobody wants to be in the “Friend Zone,” where you can’t get your freak on and girls do terrible things like be themselves with you or (EVEN WORSE!) share their pink, heart-dotted-i, cootie-covered girly girl feelings.
movies
I try to avoid throwing out accusations of “misogyny,” but it is hard for me not to think that the reason so many male viewers seem to object so strongly to these films is because they’re the rare example where they are expected to spend the entire length of the movie identifying with a female protagonist.
awkwardness
A part of me wishes I could sometimes just turn my brain off and enjoy the things that bring other people pleasure. Taking the opportunity to stare at naked women shouldn’t be this complicated.
damn hipsters get off my lawn
Over the past couple of years, few people in this world have become more acceptably derided and despised than those accused of hipster-dom.
allan mott
Since I was 11, I have become accustomed to situations where I’ve been the sole possessor of a Y chromosome.
discrimination
I have found that many of the cultural inequities we traditionally assume are gender-based might have just as much to do with size as the seemingly inexcusable lack of a penis.
porn
As strange as it was working a job where 95 percent of the transactions I performed could be honestly concluded with a polite, “Have a nice self-induced orgasm!” I quickly came to realize that the average customer wasn’t a gross, disgusting pervert, but just a normal, lonely dude.
